The author, E.J. Lavoie, writes a weekly column (Goshen Chronicles) from his home in rural Goshen, in the boreal forest north of Lake Superior, in a land that bears a resemblance to the region of Greenstone.

DALTON, HARMONIZE THIS!

I'd / like / to / teach / the / world / to / sing / in / per- / fect / harmony . . .  Supply your own tune, please. This is the new mantra of Premier Dalton McGuinty and the Ontario Liberals.  Like the original jingle, composed in 1971, it's designed to sell you something. 

But the product ain't Coke, folks, and it's somewhat harder to swallow.

Dalton is selling the harmonized sales tax, the HST. It's a tax on goods and services, just like the federal government's GST, except that it includes Ontario's PST, the provincial sales tax. Yes, it takes the current GST rate of 5% and blends it with the current PST rate of 8% to yield a single valued-added tax, the HST, at the rate of 13%. 

Okay, you say. No change there. I can live with that. Must be a good reason for it. 

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.  And No.  And another No. This. Is. Not. The. Same. Thing.

This is simply the single biggest tax grab in Ontario's history. Since the inception of the PST.

You see, from the beginning, the federal government has been a lot more far-sighted in levying the goods and services tax. Oops. Did I say far-sighted? I meant diabolical. For the feds taxed a far wider range of goods and services than the provs ever did. 

Dalton and his seventy-one thieves are now catching on. And catching up. With the harmonized sales tax, Ontario will now be taxing the same wide range of g. and s. And if they don't now extract from us hundreds of millions not to say billions more per annum than they ever have, well, they aren't half trying.

But, hey. They are not the heartless, money-grubbing, consumer-bashing, job-killing, economy-stifling gang of Keystone pols that everyone says they are. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. That's enough no's.

They are prepared to write you a cheque to mitigate the theft. Yes, they are prepared to write a cheque for $1000 – yes, ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS, in the first 12 months of the new tax. Okay. That's not quite true. They will write you three cheques, three cheques, for a total of $1000 in the first year.

Yes, I know. I know. Sounds too good to be true.

I've looked at my expenditures on goods and services for the last year. In 2008, I spent $3,320 on gas alone, for one of our two vehicles. Starting on July 1, 2010, when the HST kicks in, I will pay an additional 8% on gas for that one car, for right now, gas is not subject to the PST. Under the HST, it will be taxed. In 2008 dollars, that's another $265.

Okay, that's another $265, just so I can leave home. But I do have a home, and more expenses. After July 1, 2010, I will pay at least another $260 per annum for heating oil, and $130 for hydro. The running total so far, in extra taxes, is $655. Per annum.

There are a myriad of other home expenses that I not clever enough to ferret out at this time, but they include things such as fees for internet access and home inspection and legal services. Fortunately, I have a well, so the HST won't apply to my water bill, because I don't have one. Do you?

That will put quite a dent in that $1000 that Dalton and the gang will give me in the first 12 months. Fortunately, for many reasons, I am married. If I were single, I would be getting only $300 from Dalton in the first 12 months. In three cheques. The operative words are "12 months". After the first 12 months, the cheques stop coming. But not the taxes. They will keep coming. And coming. And coming. And coming. And –

. . . . . .

Sorry. I just threw up.

Because I haven't even started on the new sales taxes I will be paying once I leave home. I will be paying new taxes on the mocha and donut from Tim Hortons. I will be paying new taxes if I travel by air in Canada, or by rail, or by taxi, or go to the car wash. I will be paying new taxes when I take our two cats and one dog to the vet. I will be paying when I get a haircut. Okay, shut up. I will be paying when I get a manicure. As if. I will be paying when I play golf. Hah. You wouldn't catch me dead. But your kids or your grandkids will pay more to play hockey or to use the recreation centre or to join a sports club. I will be paying when I go to the movies, when I go to the dry cleaner's, when I buy prescription drugs, when I buy a new home . . . 

Okay. Thank you, Dalton McGuinty, but I will not be buying a new home. I will not be laying out tens of thousands of new dollars for the new, the brand spanking new, the rhythmically blended, chorally synchronized and near-perfectly harmonized sales tax. You won't catch me there, Dalton.

But. Sigh. You've got all the other escape hatches covered. Even the final exit. Death. Yes, death. For when I die, I will, or my estate will, be subject to the HST. My casket, my service, my flowers, my grave. I wish I were kidding. I so much need a laugh right now.

I have a little suggestion, Dalton, for you and your gang of brigands. I think the harmonized sales tax is a grand idea. It will be a boon to business people, though not as much as you tout it to be.

But . . . deep six the tax grab. Keep the new tax on the same goods and services that the GST now nails. But . . . slash the PST to 5%. That would make the HST 10%. Not only is it fair, and workable, and will earn you kudos for brilliance and for compassion far beyond ordinary pols, it will get you re-elected.

Then, my brother, you will hear me singing your tune. Singing along. Singing lustily . . .

I'd / like / to / tell / the / world / my / bro / of a / per- / fect / HST . . .

And yes . . . do send those cheques.

By way of apology.

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Nothing is certain but deception and avarice.

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May 2009

Do everyone a favour, and forward this to your friends, to Premier McGuinty (dmcguinty.mpp.co@liberal.ola.org), and to your Ontario MPP (http://www.elections.on.ca/en-CA/Tools/MPP.htm), and tell them what you think.